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From My Collection

got a good joke

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Skipper 169
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Posts: 248
Joined: Sunday, 16 June 2013, 6:30 AM
Radio: Yaesu 101-E
Antenna: Antron 99
Name: Mr. Mudd Duck
Location: Wisconsin

From My Collection

Post by Skipper 169 » Thursday, 04 July 2013, 13:19 PM

I've been saving one liners for years. Ran across this old TXT file and thought I'd share some.

A fat girl served me in McDonald’s at lunch time. She said “sorry about the wait”. I said, “Don’t worry, you’ll find a way to lose it eventually.”

A 10 year old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man passing by asks “What’s wrong, lad?” The boy says “Me ma died this morning.” “Oh how sad.” The man says. “Do you want me to call Father O’Riley for you?” The boy replies “No tanks mister, **Censored** is the last ting on my mind at the moment.”

Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since the doctors are now Muslim, I’ve found that a bacon sandwich works best!

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself… ”I’m going to take that."

I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last question which I got wrong. The question was, Where do women have the curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer…hell, how did I know they wanted the name of a country?

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'

During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should remember these four great religious truths 1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's Chosen People 2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah 3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world. 4. Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store.
2WR169 Wisconsin

Some people just need a high five.... In the Face.... With a Chair...




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