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"Hello, President Obama” a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is
Archie, down here at Joe's Catfish Shack, in Mobile , and I am callin' to
tell ya’ll that we are officially declaring war on y'all!"
"Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is
"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my
cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from
Hooters. That makes eight!"
Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my
army waiting to move on my command."
"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have to call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. “Mr. Obama, the war is still
on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked.
"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry’s farm tractor."
President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks
and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one
and a half million since we last spoke."
"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. “President Obama! I am sorry
to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat
over sweet tea, and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed
that many prisoners."
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